Americana

Who doesn't love apple pie and white picket fences? Fourth of July, suburbs, fireworks, family,

-stability. Going down the street and actually knowing your neighbors. Wearing your sunday best. Summer road trips, vacations, the enrichment of one's character. Baseball. Going to a prep school, going to college, getting a job. Growing old, having had a good life, sitting in the balmy sun on the porch and enjoying the rest of your days. This is America. Who could ask for anything more?

Country in General Pt.1

What has happened to today's conception of country music? Is country no more than pop music with a twang? Why does it receive similar reactions to one mentioning rap or techno? These reactions are usually in extremes, I find, and are either very positive or negative. 

But country as a whole has very redeeming qualities, despite the flack it may receive from certain audiences. With country music, a distinct imagery is evoked, as one hearkens back to the "good ol" days, or at least what we know from the movies. The imagery is not the only thing to be noted however, as the pure musical value should be closely examined. First, the guitar, or in many cases, the steel guitar plays a vital role in the country sound. Its twang and range of playing styles provide the needed base, (aside from rhythm and drums) from which the country sound springs. 

Why do people like Hannah Montana a.k.a. Miley Cyrus?

Why the hell do people like Hannah Montana? She is just another plastic bimbo who is corrupting America's youth. Her TV show is horrendous and her music is the most fabricated sugar pop ever. Yet her tours sell out in every city and her concert movie made $29 million during Super Bowl weekend. Recent news reports indicate that she will be writing a memoir. Who in their right mind would publish, let alone read her story? Miley's Memoir, the story of how a talentless pubescent hack became a media powerhouse and multi-millionaire.

Why Is Yahoo! Retarded?

I don't understand the way that Yahoo! runs their homepage. Why, on God's great, green earth, do they put such petty and outright retarded headlines? I don't care if a stupid kitten can open a door or if a panda sneezes or if the next loser got kicked off of American Idol. This all might be understandable on slow news days, but even when there is actual news they post this kind of crap.  

Rant - Non-rhyming Poems

We all know great poems that read like songs such as "The Road Not Taken", but then there are the less-difficult to write poems that don't have a rhyme scheme such as An "Old Man's Winter Night." Robert Frost wrote both these poems, but i theorize he bummed off in writing the latter (maybe it was 4:20? I will say no more) I'm going to do something I should've done ever since I layed eyes on the calamaties of haikus and rhymescheme-less poems: Deliver justice to these pushovers.
Literary fanatacists hold these poetic disasters within the sanctuary of the term "art", but I wish I could rip them out, line them up, and have a forced recall for these faulty products because they are nothing but sorry excuses for narratives without the grace of punctuation, grammar, or lyrical tone. Now these pseudo-poets and Thorouhge (I refuse to spell his name correctly because I refuse to conform to his defective wills) will come knocking at my door, begging me, "How can we get our message told?" USE A NARRATIVE OR PROSE. I cannot stress enough how many times I shirked my grammar and punctuation when I was younger because I took these gremlins as formal prose when fitting a tune to the tale failed.
Boycott these works that try to pass as poems. Are your standards for entertainment so low? Force the authors to actually put thought into rhyme schemes and/or consider switching their work to another form of literature and/or art.

Five Dolla Holla

What's with the five dollar footlong sandwich? Why the five dolla holla? What' the deal? Has Subway gone too far? 

Now we all remember the "five dolla holla" on  Yahoo!. The holla depicts a "bling" Abraham Lincoln, in promotion of the five dollar footlong sandwich at Subway. I discovered the atrocity one Saturday afternoon while checking my fantasy baseball stats. For the price of an annoying pop-up and crap flash animations, one receives the privilege of giving someone the "five dolla holla".  Not only is the holla a disgrace to your inbox, it is also a disgrace to Abraham Lincoln, one of our greatest presidents.  Abraham Lincoln should not have been mocked simply for the purpose of selling a foots worth of fat-people food.